CHAPTER TWO: BEING A NOBLE FRIEND FOR OTHERS IS COOL BUT ARE YOU BEING A GOOD FRIEND TO YOURSELF?
We all know what friendship means and what it does. Having a good and constant friend is like diving into an ocean with an oxygen cylinder. The ocean, being the world, would ceaselessly throw us into different seasons of life such as hard times, dark times, sad times, lonely times, joyful times, silent times, peaceful times, thrilling times and without the oxygen cylinder, it won’t be possible for us to dive into the ocean and explore the beauty of the underworld. Our friends are like our oxygen cylinder. Yes, they help us live our lives despite all the hard times. They make our lives beautiful, add masalas and Masti, and thrills to our lives. And when it gets hard, without any doubt, we can look forward to seeing their shoulders to lean on and their hands patting our shoulders. We are grateful to them and so we try our level best to be the same for them by putting in our efforts to make their lives happier. Even when we know that our friends are at fault or have done something which is not right, we try to correct them and do our best to not let the guiltiness or shame catch them. We love them despite their flaws, and we accept them for who they are. We try our best to keep them closer and to reduce any chances of losing them, as we know how important they are to us. All these above-told lines surely portray how much of a wonderful friend we are to them, but are we doing the same for ourselves? Are we not important to ourselves?
Just think about it. It’s a good virtue to be a good friend to others but what we all forget is, we need to be a friend to ourselves also. Because, sometimes, we might find ourselves in a place where sharing some incidents with even your very own friends will seem hard due to various reasons. For example, we don’t want to trouble our friends, we don’t want them to worry etc. One common reason is when we see ourselves struggling with a certain type of sensitive issue, we will become numb and silent. Eventually, we will start to feel lonely, guilty, insecure and yes, all other negative emotions will silently attack us. Some thoughts cannot be said aloud, right? We even get the mindset that people cannot understand some issues, in the worse case, judgement might even arise. And thus, these fears will stop us from reaching people for help. What to do when we feel ourselves drowning in an ocean eerily?
All those times, just imagine if we have a friend who can listen to our whispers and thoughts without judgement but with full understanding, who can be there all the time, would we feel better and lighter,if we find someone like that? Someone who will go through all the stuff which bother us inside, without complaining or getting tired of it. we will feel strong and assured, ready to fight and overcome anything which comes in our way, right? If the answers to all the above-mentioned questions are yes, be ready to get rescued. Because we have found that person! Yeah, Hurray! That very person about whom we were talking about is nobody else but US ( our very own selves).
If you guys are disappointed with my answer, it’s time to realize our worth instead of taking ourselves for granted. No matter how much we can get support and comfort from our friends, at the end of the day, some battles have to be fought or handled by us, especially the mental battles. Just think, we are the only ones who know all the thoughts which come and go in our mind every second. Only we can understand ourselves, our situations and why we made that decision which is now killing us inside silently. Only we know it. We can be our own problem solver and your saviour. To be our best pal, Let's try to follow these ten points given below :)
1. Listen to all your thoughts, every single one of them, no matter how bad or hard it is to listen to
2. Take a minute to get into a calm state and try to revisit the situations which made you take that so-called bad decision and feel it
3. Try to advocate for yourself inside your mind or take a paper and write why you had to take that decision
4. If it was a blunder mistake or 100% wrong (could have avoided taking that decision but still you did willingly), tell yourself that none is perfect. Mistakes are what makes us humans. Mistakes make us wiser and stronger day by day.
5. Never judge yourself, if you judge your ownself then don’t expect others to not judge you. Also, don’t get mad at people when they become all judgemental about you.
6. Your mistakes, wise decisions, good deeds, careless moments, silent moments, are all parts of you. It’s okay. Tell yourself all these repeatedly and that it’s okay, and it’s all going to be alright one day.
7. Be patient with yourself as the negative thoughts won’t just leave immediately. The healing process will take time.
8. Constantly remind yourself, what a good trait will it bring. Every mistake teaches us something. Every time you see yourself failing because of a weakness, it magnifies the need to transform the weakness into strength to have a better life :)
For example, you took your friend for granted and didn’t realize you were creating a gap between you and your friend because of lack of communication and efforts. Your friend, as a result, leaves you. This will teach you how important is it to keep putting efforts to keep people whom you like, without taking them for granted. It will teach you about friendship, help you see where you lack in areas of friendship and strengthen that area. By learning this lesson, you will do your best to bring back your friend. Who knows, maybe after that incident, your friendship with others and with that one who left you might become so much better and stronger than before.
9. During the healing process, be grateful to yourself for doing this for you and feel proud of yourself for being a fighter instead of being a loser and letting yourself down, judging and punishing yourself for that mistake of yours.
10. Be kind to yourself during this process, try to do these things as these could make you fall in love with yourself and make you happier. Remind yourself it’s just a hard chapter in your book of life, not the entire book itself. Maybe the next chapter could be one of the best chapters which you might love.
Do this and you will be your best friend:)
Step two’s view: Sometimes all we need is some love and kindness, being there for ourselves without losing our patience, to overcome anything. One day all these struggles and hard times will help others who go through similar hard times like the ones we faced. Those people could be around you, it could be your very own best friend, as things like this are not always loud and open, you never know! So be kind to yourself and to others. And the very important thing of all these is to be there for you first, fill your cup so you can easily fill others cup and help them and be their sunshine.