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What is rejection ? Why could one possibly develop a phobia over rejection ?

Well every human on earth should expect his short span on this planet to be a roller coaster ride , rather than a plain merry go round . If there is happiness , there is bound to be some mourning followed , if there are wins , there should be some losses just for the sake of maintaining an equilibrium , if you get so happy about old friends’ reunion , you must also have the courage to part them and go for some indefinite period . Likewise , if you are very loved and accepted at various places , under several circumstances by several people , you should also be anticipated to get rejected by a different set of individuals in different places under varied circumstances . After all , that is life . You can’t expect it to be a delicious briyani all the time . Sometimes , you also gotta taste the poha it offers !

Like each every aspect in our life , like happiness , sorrow , betrayal , fear , anxiety ,etc., rejection is also a day to day aspect in our life . Then why is rejection not readily accepted by people who can take in other negative aspects like sorrow or failure atleast over a period of time ? The problem with rejection is most people tend to develop a fear over it . It’s primarily because of

1.) The Reluctance to accept it or even due to

2.) The Embarrassment factor .

1.) The Reluctance factor :

Me , as a great fan of the cricketer M.S. Dhoni , feel dejected and disheartened whenever my favourite player doesn’t get picked in the squad , perhaps due to poor performance in the previous matches . The reason for this is I become emotional and am not ready to accept that considering the past records of him and how a legend he was to our cricket team and things have gone worse now .

Therefore the reluctance factor comes due to a mishap or a hardship on you or your most favourite ones or even from your most favourite ones . It can also be from the sources you kept your highest bids on (kept high expectations) or from persons whom you thought would never hurt you . In all these cases , you probably would have focussed on only one positive outcome of your wish and must have ignored the rest negative ones which eventually must have landed you inevitably in a negative outcome which you didn’t anticipate at any cost and therefore , it apparently becomes hard for you to digest it .

Getting rejected in a relationship is a common example . Initially, it’s hard for you to consume the fact that your partner whom you thought of high and whose relationship you thought of as unbreakable has actually happened . Getting rejected in an organisation or enterprise on which you had high hopes on can also fall under this category .

What can be the solutions ?

Simple ! Be ready to accept them . Be ready to take “No” as an answer . If this is fixed , everything that follows will have a different approach from your side . There are a plenty of fish in the pond . If one didn’t consume your bait , it doesn’t mean that none will . If only Joaquin Phoenix had got dejected by getting nominated and later snubbed 3 times in the Oscars and probably quit his acting career , he wouldn’t have baffled the whole Hollywood with his spellbound acting in the movie “JOKER”(2019) , thereby bagging an obvious Oscar . If only Thomas Alva Edison quit his endeavours anywhere amidst his 800 failures , he wouldn’t have discovered the light bulb , thereby eradicating the darkness of rejection .

Be ready to get rejected , disappointed by even your favourite ones . Be optimistic enough that none of these petty rejections divert or impede you from your long term goals .I accept that we need a recovery time from our previous rejections , but make it as quick as possible . As my friend keeps telling a famous quote of Rajinikanth , “I am not an elephant which falls down and takes time to stand up , rather I am a horse which bounces back to its feet as soon as it falls “ . As the great man said , try to be a horse rather than an elephant .

2.) The Embarrassment factor :

Well this can be coming from any rejection that embarrasses you ultimately . It may be from someone who outdoes you in your own prime skill or someone rejecting you on a quality which you consider a high achievement of yours . As said in the previous topic , this can also be a result of some result which you didn’t anticipate for ‘ but this in turn causing you a public embarrassment .

What is the solution ?

Well , at all times you must realize that there are quite a few players in your own field and you must be ready to accept that everyone possess skills and everyone have the yearning to be better than the other . A thorough and constant work on these fields could better your stand in your own field and you could be competitive with your fellow players . For example , if you can sing well and you find a competitor , take your time , maybe some vocal lessons and better yourselves to be competitive with him . Growing jealous or growing the fear of getting rejected by an emerging talent is futile . At the same time , you also should be reasonable with your ambitions . We’ve seen plenty of contestants with horrible voices perform confidently in front of a mass audience , getting easily rejected , thereby putting their own selves to shame and embarrassment . You must know where exactly you stand to avoid embarrassment at any cost . Just because you sing well , you just can’t go and challenge Adele on singing with you. And if you sense anything which may at times cause you public embarrassment , well keep it as private as possible . We’ve seen guys getting rejected on proposing their girlfriends in front of a whole crowd . Always , try to avoid them at any cost , unless you are very sure of the outcome . You may think you are cool enough to take it , but , trust me , getting rejected in public (not only proposals but on any situation) is one of the worst embarrassments one may encounter .

Marshall Mathers literally sold his house and went to dishwash at certain restaurants after his debut album (Infinite) got rejected and went down to be a drastic disaster . If only he quit his rapping that day , he wouldn’t have bounced back quick with his next album “Slim Shady EP” topping the charts by pushing the then famous artist Britney Spears and proved to be the greatest rapper of all time . His name is EMINEM .

So , concluding on a general note , he who considers rejections are as normal as any other aspect , he who develops the courage to accept rejections (like EMINEM) and he who never gives up even after encountering repeated rejections (like Joaquin Phoenix) and he who bounces back as quick from those heartbreaks caused by those rejections (like Rajinikanth) tends to have a life which remains unaltered by whatever good or bad outcome it may present you . What is life , but an adventurous roller coaster ride ………….. 😃😃😃


_ Chris Kevin


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