CHAPTER EIGHT (STEP EIGHT
Have you ever been in a situation where you liked a person? Who could be your friend or one of your family members? You both shared a good bond that you sometimes feel like the person is a part of your soul but suddenly situations change and drag you to a position where you feel, it would be the best for both of you to stay away from each other despite the bond you share? If not, lucky you, but still it’s better to get some insights about this situation, so that you can take a wiser decision, if you are to come across such a situation. Touchwood! For people who are still in pain, may you get the courage to do what is right and overcome the tunnel of dark, so that one day you can see the light on the other end of the tunnel.
How to know if you have come to this phase in your life? How would it feel! What would be the wise decision which can be taken to handle the situation better and prepare our hearts for this situation? These questions will be discussed in this chapter.
Let’s see the answer for the first question of when would we come to know if we are in the situation where we feel holding on is harder than letting go:
1. When you feel you are losing your peace most of the time
2. When you feel you are forgetting who you are when you are losing sight of yourself
3. When you feel you are sacrificing your self-worth
4. When you see that person as a barrier for your growth
5. When it’s a one-sided bond where only you are giving and the other person doesn’t care
6. When it convinces you to lose your moral values and ethics and beliefs
7. When your sad moments are more than the happy-moments
8. When that person makes you feel guilty whenever you do something good for yourself like taking care of yourself, Having ME TIME
9. When that person takes no time to even see or understand your efforts for them
10.When, even the thought of being distant from each other and away from these situations gives you peace and relief
11.When you tried to fix it many times but you still are in a circle of pain and miseries.
If you can relate to some of the above-mentioned things, then you are in that situation and you really have to do something about it, instead of getting stuck in a circle of self-hurt.
So now the next question: How to take a decision?
It’s so clear that if that person isn’t dear to you, you would have not let yourself get hurt, nor would you have even resisted taking action against that person knowing the damage he or she is causing to you. You like them for all the good things the person did for you, the caring gestures, the comfort and love from that person. But when you realise you, it won’t work out between you two and you still are trying to be with that person only weakens you, just let go, no matter how hard it might feel might be! Remember, people never leave their loved ones alone. They will somehow try to find a way to make things right. If they are not doing that, then the best solution is to let them go.
If letting go is the best solution, then how to prepare our hearts for that and how to go about that?
Sit in a calm place and think of all the things which are bothering you and have pushed you to this situation and what all efforts you made earlier to fix the problem. What it did to you and what you lost because of that and the think why you realized it no longer would work between you two. Think about all these.
And yes, of course, various temptations would lure you to contact that person :
o checking that person’s profile to know what’s happening in his or her life and what you are missing by not being there in that person’s life
o Looking at the photos you took is a way of trying to relive your happy moments together
o putting status to tell something to that person indirectly and waiting to see how that person reacts to it
o Trying hard to make it look like you didn’t lose anything and trying to make it seem like you are so much happier than before, etc
Just don’t do any of these things. Keep telling yourself that you made this decision for the wellbeing of you and that person. Try not to give in to the temptation, push yourself harder, and try to focus on yourself instead of the other person. Be far away from that person in every possible way and do what makes you happy. You came to this world alone and you will leave alone, the moments in between are like a treasure it, cherish it and live it. Because one day, you would have moved on and you would even feel proud of yourself for doing the right thing for yourself and maybe who knows, you might be surprised by what life has to reward you for all the hardships you endured. Read these quotes, it will give your heart some warmth and hope!
“When one door closes, fortune will usually open another. “-Fernando De Rojas (a Spanish author)
“When one door closes, another opens, but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us. “-Alexander Graham Bell (a Scottish-born inventor, scientist, and engineer)
“When one door closes another opens but all too often there is a long hallway in between. “-Rick Jarow (career counselor, a professor of religion at Vassar College, and author of Creating the Work You Love)
All these quotes never failed to give me strength and hope, I guess these made you feel better too.
Step eight view: Just like what was said in the last quote by Rick Jarow, when one door closes another one opens but in the middle is where the hardship or transforming process lies and yes, it would be hard to get through. But once we overcome it, there will be many things to feel proud and get better than what you have. So, keep pushing yourself, do what’s right for you and don’t stop as you never know how close you are to the endpoint. One day you will definitely see the light on the other end of the tunnel. So, keep your chin up and get going!