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Not forgiving someone is like drinking poison

Updated: Oct 22, 2020



Hurt by a loved one? Not able to forget nor live happily? Stuck with disappointments and hurts? What to do now? No use in scolding? Not able to move on nor forget? Let's try forgiving!


Forgiving doesn't mean we are denying to see the offences nor does it mean that we are excusing the person who wronged us. Forgiveness is the process of letting go of the feeling of resentments, vengeance and other negative emotions such as anger and disappointment. It just means we are taking a decision consciously to heal and help us move on from bad incidents


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WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF WE DON'T FORGIVE?



Getting hurt by someone especially by our loved ones will break us into pieces or turn us into volcanoes ( filled with anger). It would feel like forgiveness is the last option we would ever go for. Not being able to forgive though might sound okay but if we don't forgive, we will be filled with grudges.


The hurtful events would keep piling up unhealthy thoughts and feelings in our minds until there is no space left for positivity. We would be swallowed up by bitterness and injustice.


We would be so lost in the negativity that we would deny to be present at the moment and enjoy the goodness around us. We would even bring that negativity into every relationship we share with people. It would blind us from seeing the meaning and purpose of our lives.



In other words, it would leave us with an everlasting scar which doesn't heal. So, if we don't forgive, we would get us stuck with hurt and we would never heal nor move on.




WHAT ARE THE BENEFITS OF FORGIVING?

  • The hurt might always be with us but if we learn to forgive, we can lessen its hold on us and prevent us from getting controlled by the person who harmed/wronged us.

  • Forgiving helps us save relationships

  • It improves our self-esteem

  • Gives us peace

  • Reduces our stress, anxieties and other mental problems

  • Heals us

  • Helps us move on

  • Makes us more matured and understanding

  • Creates more empathy

  • Enable us to have hope

  • Makes us better human










Now, let's see about the types of forgiveness.

There are two types of forgiveness namely forgiving self-forgiving and forgiving others.


SELF FORGIVENESS:



Self-forgiving can be a challenging one because when we feel we have made a mistake or hurt someone, it not just appears as a mistake but it gets under our skins. It becomes our underlying beliefs about ourselves such as "How bad we are " and " We would never be able to have good lives"


.It makes us see ourselves as weak-willed people. We would be filled with intense guilt, shame and no hope for a better future. But we have to wise enough to not let ourselves fall into that pitfall. We have to get away from those feelings as those are not productive in the long run. So, how to self forgive?

  • We have to find what mistakes we did and then learn to take responsibility for that.

  • We have to understand how that mistake has affected others and their lives.

  • Then, we have to apologise sincerely for that. But we cannot expect the hurt person to forgive us immediately, because people take their own time to forgive who hurt them.

  • The main thing is we should not to be harsh on ourselves nor judge ourselves

  • We should keep doing what can be done to improve or better the hurt one's lives.

FORGIVING OTHERS:


Similarly, forgiving others can also be hard and challenging when the person who hurt us is not accepting his/her mistake.


Okay, now let's see how we can forgive others when they have hurt us :


  • We have to find out what act of that person hurt us and how it has affected us.

  • We have to try to be in their shoes and see why that person behaved the way he/she did.

  • We have to understand that maybe we would have done the same things if we were put in their place.

  • We can try to turn in our compassion and forgive them.

  • Practice empathy: Try to feel what pain they must be having because of that and try to forgive them.

  • Try to find if that hurtful act was done intentionally or was done because of the offender's life circumstance.

Try all of these, still, if it is hard to forgive, take some time and then try to forgive them as we would be the ones who would be affected the most by not forgiving.

DOES FORGIVENESS MEAN RECONCILIATION?


Forgiving others simply means we let go of resentments and vengeance feelings as those are not healthy to be there inside our minds. It doesn't mean we have to get back with the person who hurt us.


If the forgiveness has helped to repair the broken relationship, we can continue to have the relationship.


Reconciliation could be even impossible when the person who hurt us is no longer alive or is not on speaking terms with us.


Forgiving doesn't mean forgetting. It is up to us to decide whether we can give the broken relationship and the offended people a second chance or not.


CONCLUSION:

Forgiveness propels people forward instead of getting them stuck in life with no hope but only minds filled with trauma and injustice. It helps people heal and move on. If it does too many good things and prevents us from negativity then why not try it.


REFERENCES:

https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/eight_keys_to_forgiveness

https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/forgiveness/definition#what-is-forgiveness

https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/forgiveness/art-20047692

https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/basics/forgiveness

https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/forgiveness-your-health-depends-on-it

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