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Parental conflicts have more influence on us than we think


It's common to see parents fighting or arguing with one another. Though it is our parents who would be fighting, we(children) would equally get affected by it. When conflicts occur in our house, we would go through a variety of feelings like sadness, anger, shame, fear and much more. Actually, the conflicts have more influence on us than we think.

Here, in this chapter, we would see how and when the normal fights and arguments turn into attacking weapon and how we can learn to pull through such situations.


We know that there can be no relationships without disagreements and conflicts. When people are together, its natural to get into fights and misunderstandings and eventually they get out of it positively or negatively. When we children witness such conflicts they are only two ways we can process it.

  1. The first is when our parents fight neatly and constructively and solve the problems unitedly, we get to learn: how to handle such situations. Later in our lives, we could handle such situations positively. It can be considered as a healthy exposure to handling problems.

2. The second way is when our parents fight in an unhealthy way by verbally or physically abusing one another frequently, we unconsciously get threatened by it. This is when fights pave way to threats and affect our behaviour.


  • Some researchers say that when as young as six months old children get distressed when their parents fight. They feel scared, anxious, sad and angry. They have a high chance of suffering from health problems like disturbed sleep, struggle to find focus and perform well academically.

  • Children of high conflicted parents have more chance to own poor interpersonal skills, social skills and problem-solving skills.

  • Those children perceive the world as well as themselves negatively and hence get trust issues and find it hard to have good relationships with others.

  • Sometimes, when it is hard to pull through hard situations, the daughters and sons of the house blame themselves or in some cases, they find some other unhealthy ways to cope up with the situations.

  • They might express their feelings externally in the form of aggression, not obeying anyone, hurting themselves and others, damaging things.

  • While some hurt internally by getting into depression, anxiety.


  • Try to be in their (parent's) shoes and understand why they are behaving a certain way.

Remind yourselves that your parents were once a kid and now they are learning to be parents.

  • Sometimes, they are not aware of how their fights are affecting you So tell them how it affects you to make them understand but not to make them feel guilty.

  • The worst time to express how you feel because of the conflict is when they are in the middle of a fight. It is like adding fuel to the fire. Tell them when they are in a relaxed state. They care for you more. If they know that it's affecting you, they will do their best not to harm you in any way.

  • Remember, its better to pour out what's bothering inside and resolve conflicts instead of bottling up emotions. It's healthy (it's okay ) when your parents fight.

Don't be scared, sometimes when adults fight it might seem like it's going to end very badly, but it won't be that way mostly.

  • Even after doing your best to resolve the fights, if it is not solved, find a private place for yourself and start doing something like reading books or plugin and listen to music to prevent you from hearing your parents arguing.

  • Research says that when your parents haven't been good or are affecting you, its best to develop some relationships outside. (friends)

  • You can turn to your friend for help. He/She might not be able to solve the problems but can be there to listen to you.(sometimes, that's all we need right?)

  • Accept the things that you have control over.

  • Don't blame yourselves.

If you cannot change the situations, the best thing which you can do is at least change the way you react to such situations.

  • Take some time, go and sit somewhere alone and breathe in and out slowly as it might help keep you calm and mindful.

  • When you are okay accepting the reality and the situation in your home, try your best, it could even be a very small gesture. Do something to keep your parents happy or feel better .


One of the painful situations is when your parents are fighting and you are there getting all scared about the stability of the family. It must be hard and painful. The only thing you want is to stop them fighting, I know. Do your best and stay calm through the storm with hope and faith. You are alone. You are going to get through this :) Stay strong! You got this.



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