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The easiest way to get lost in is self pity

Updated: Nov 2, 2020

People leave, relationship end, you lose your house, you don't get the job that you wanted, you become sick, someone betrays you. Anything can happen to anyone. You might even think why the hell only I am the only to go through many bad things whereas others are living smooth lives?

"That's life, you cannot expect life to be fair " would be the last thing which you would be willing to hear when you have so much to go through, I know.

What you can do is, you can allow yourself to feel the sadness, hurt and you can even cry. It is healthy too. But it turns into an unhealthy one when you let yourself get drowned into self-pity. When you say no to moving on, when you say no to accept and let it go, you automatically are giving it the power to consume you fully.


  • It prevents you from doing anything.

  • · It never lets you see that as a mistake and learn from it.

  • · It stops you from achieving your dreams and stops you from truly living.

  • · It attacks you with negative feelings like sadness, hurt, hopelessness, anxiety.

  • · It separates you from having a good bond with others

  • It prevents us from taking control and responsibilities

  • · It fills one with resentment which again is not a good feeling.

  • · It provokes one to get into self-sabotaging/destructive activities.

  • Since feeling sorry for oneself is easy and comforting in some way, it's easy to fall into it. Later you will find it very difficult to come out of it.



  • KNOW THE PAIN IT BRINGS: When you find yourself self-pitying, remind yourself that the pain which comes along with that, is because of how you are letting yourself feel. Try to change the way you feel.

  • NEVER COMPLAIN: Telling someone how hard it is for you, to let them know the pain's intensity, has an ugly effect of intensifying your self-pity feelings. So be aware of it.

  • · WARNING SIGNS OF DOWNSPIRAL: When you feel worse, try to stop looking for more ways to find what else is depressing. As those only increase the self-pity feelings. When you feel you are losing everything, just try to fight against it and take actions to improve the situations even if it's just a bit.

Don't wait till you completely lose everything. Feel the warning sign and start rescuing yourself by doing something to make you feel better and proud every single day.

  • · FACE THE FACTS: When you see yourself in bad situations. Try to face the problems face to face instead of trying to question why it is happening to you.

  • · GRATITUDE: Try to acknowledge the good in your life. You can even try to have a gratitude journal. It helps you to see and celebrate the goodness among the depressing things.

Remember, you cannot feel gratitude and self-pity at the same time.

  • · CHANGE THE QUESTIONS YOU ASK YOURSELF: When you are questioning your problems and your life, don't use WHY rather Try HOW WHAT. i.e.



  • · NEVER SEE YOURSELF FROM VICTIM'S PERSPECTIVE: Try to behave like an adult and handle the issues.

  • · BUILD MENTAL STRENGTH: It is just like physical strength. To be physically strong and fit, you have to let go of bad habits like eating many chocolates, high calories food often and cultivate good habits like weight lifting, running etc. Similarly, to be mentally fit, you have to let go of bad habits like self-pitying and inculcate good habits like learning to feel, organise and master your emotions and feelings despite the situations.

“Bad things do happen; how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have—life itself.” ~Walter Anderson


Remind yourself that life is never meant to be fair and easy all the time. We are born in this world to experience a wide variety of things like pleasures and problems so that we can learn from them. So that we can become better humans. We have to learn to face, accept and let things go :)We have to train ourselves to go along with the life's flow without falling into the self-sabotaging trap of self-pitying.