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Trust issues

Chapter Ten



With more and more social websites and technologies getting introduced, human’s connectivity and accessibility keep expanding on one side and the major key factor called trust, which helps maintain human relationships is getting complicated and eroded on the other side. We, humans, are interdependent. We need love, trust, and respect to lead happy and meaningful lives. Among these three virtues, in this chapter, we are going to discuss trust and the issues associated with it.

Our life is unpredictable and experimental. In fact, we cannot even be sure of ourselves. So, having a problem with trusting someone and questioning how much to trust is a common confusion, which we all ponder on. Irrespective of residing confusions, we make choices and live with their consequences. Sometimes, the consequences can bring in serious problems like trust issues. Trust issues are like rusting of an iron object. The iron object gets rusty when it comes in contact with water. The best way is to keep the iron from getting wet (by keeping iron and water apart from each other). Likewise, to keep a relationship from getting (rusty) ruined, we have to keep our relationships free from trust issues.

“It is mutual trust, even more than mutual interest, that holds human associations together.” - H.L.Menken

We trust people, whose actions reflect their words, who are honest and benevolent towards us.

So now, back to trust issues.

How to know whether you have trust issues? Well, here are some signs.

You assume someone has betrayed you, even though you have no evidence.

You are sure that people will betray you at the end.

You try to have your loved ones in control (overprotecting) fearing they will otherwise leave you and go.

You keep your guards on and avoid getting attached to anyone.

You isolate and live maintaining distance from everyone

You refuse to commit yourself to your loved ones, regardless of the strength of the bond you share.

You magnify even the small mistakes done by your beloved ones.

You feel lonely and hopeless

You feel depressed and pity yourself for being so picky and sensitive about everyone and everything around.

You always try to see the fault in others and always expect the worst to happen.

You don't believe that happiness is meant for you

Now, you would know whether you have trust issues or not.

So, how exactly trust issues are emerging?

  • MIXED MESSAGES: When your beloved one’s actions and words aren’t matching. For example, you feel you aren’t receiving the same care and affection which you used to receive before, from your friend. So, you let him know how you feel and he promises to never make you feel that way but he isn’t keeping his promise and continues to make you feel unhappy and insecure. Here his actions and his words are completely different and hence trusting him becomes confusing and hard.

  • INNER VOICE’S ROLE IN TRUST ISSUES: We have an inner voice which keeps talking to us always. Its purpose is to guide, warn and protect us. Unfortunately, it instils more negativity, doubts, suspicions and mistrust in our thought process.

  1. In the first case, a good-natured girl has self-esteem problems and self-doubts. A guy acknowledges her good character and loves her. He then tells her how he feels. Instead of feeling happy about it, she starts to become all anxious and confused. The inner voice comes right at that time and tells her that she doesn’t deserve that guy’s love. At other times, makes her focus on the guy’s flaws and convinces her that the relationship won't work between them.

2. Sometimes, the inner voice attacks us by pretending to be friendly. The girl is excited to hear the guy’s confession. This time, the inner voice asks her to be not excited but be careful, saying that she would be hurt or rejected later. She won't be able to take the pain when it stops working.

  • CHILDHOOD EXPERIENCES: When a child repeatedly witnesses her parent’s consistent pattern of failing to keep up their promise, it gets stored in her memory and as a result, she might have high chances of facing troubles in trusting people’s words, later.

SUSCEPTIBLE MEDICAL ISSUES :

• Depression

• Adjustment disorders

• Anxiety

• Fear of abandonment

• Attachment issues

• Insomnia

HOW TO OVERCOME TRUST ISSUES?

- Practice openness.

- Communicate honestly and frequently.

- Show other people how much you care for them.

- Be less defensive with your beloved ones while communicating: It makes you more approachable and lets your loved ones open up and share even the most uncomfortable things with you. This removes the need to be secretive.

- Accept people for who they are rather than what you are scared they will be.

- Learn to see your present, past and future separately.

- Learn from your past but don't let it ruin your present: Just because something happened before, doesn't necessarily mean they are bound to happen in the future. Accept the pain, and find ways to move forward.

- If you are the person who has made a mistake, apologize. It will help people trust you more and also make them behave the same as you do.

- If it is hard to trust a person, it is okay. Let them earn your trust. For example, you get selected to work in a company. The owner of the company wouldn't just let you run the company on your first day, right? You would have to show him that you are capable of running the company. You would have to gain his confidence and trust gradually, right? Similarly, let people earn your trust step by step. It's okay.

- Remind yourself that none is perfect.

Few quotes on trust and its issues:

“The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them “- Ernest Hemingway

“Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time.”― Maya Angelou

“None of us knows what might happen even the next minute, yet still we go forward. Because we trust. Because we have Faith.”

― Paulo Coelho, Brida

Step ten’s view ( conclusion): Trust is the foundation for all relationships. Without trust, we cannot have any relationships and without relationships, we cannot live. So, if you feel you have your trust broken somewhere, try and fix it. In the worse case, if it’s unfixed able, learn from it and let it go. Lift down your guards every now and then, live your life. It's okay to get hurt at times but never stop trusting.

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