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We create our own heartbreaks through expectations

The moment we wake up in the morning, we turn in our expectation mode. We are always in the state of assuming and expecting. We expect our day to go well. We expect people to behave nicely to us. We even change our behaviour, in turn, to live up to the expectations of our loved ones, our higher officials. We sleep at night with many plans for the next day, with an expectation that we would wake up the next day.

It has become a common thing now. Evening having a bucket is also a kind of having expectations. We expect to do achieve all that is there in our bucket list. Even for examinations, we study and expect scores according to our efforts or sometimes, if we are greedy, we expect more marks than what we deserve. See, expectations are everywhere.

In every bond, every relationship, due to the closeness and understanding, we unconsciously create a platform for expectations. For example, if you are friends with someone for like many years, you expect that person to know you in and out, and behave accordingly. When you feel your friend has not known you properly or is not meeting your expectations, you get resentful and disappointed. See, no one can escape from expectations. It is very much needed for ourselves, for our lives and for others.


Expectations are basically our presumptions. It convinces us into a belief that whatever we feel is true thereby making us deaf to hear other person's side of the story.

How do expectations cause misunderstandings and problems?

It becomes a problem when we put expectations on someone without even them knowing about it. Then, when he/she fails to meet our expectations, we become indignant and hurt. We end put with disappointments and thus, a gap gets created in our bond.


Let's say, you are a coffee lover. You prefer drinking coffee to make you feel better. It would sound stupid when all you do is just think about coffee and get mad when coffee doesn't come to you, right? Why? Because thinking alone won't do anything, we know it too. But even after knowing this, I wonder why we still think that merely expecting others to behave a certain way, will make them behave that way? We even get angry when people fail to meet our expectations.


Ever heard of the placebo effect?

It is when a patient with an extreme health condition is asked to eat a tablet saying that is very powerful and has a ninety-nine per cent success rate. The patient will have it regularly with a firm belief in that tablet. At the end of the prescribed time, the patient will get into a good health condition. What really the patient had was just vitamin tablets which had nothing to do with the health condition. This effect is known as placebo and the opposite of it is called the nocebo effect.